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Good Morning, from week 2 of sending weekly Sunday emails. I was planning to write today all about the impact that doing a 30-minute exercise video every morning for this month is having on me, but yesterday I had an experience that shuffled a different topic to the top of the stack. Let’s talk about… Making Friends. I think that it’s an awesome thing to claim and be proud of the things that we’re good at. No shame here guys, I’m great at making friends (and the friendships are deep). I certainly did not have this confidence as a kid or a young teenager, and I’m sure the pain of not feeling liked/embraced by my peers has something to do with how I’ve developed in this arena. As I pause and think what can I remember about the transition into friendship making skill, I remember that in early high school I started hanging out downtown a lot and friending the grownups around town — people that worked in businesses. They knew me by name, expected my visits, and became a source of connection. I think stage by stage from there, my ability to make friends with ease grew through my early adult life chapters — moving to a Caribbean island at 18 knowing no one, going to massage school full time for 6 months immersing in depth and comfort and healing, flying out to Cali and working on a farm with a gaggle of Euro burners which moved me to go to the rainbow gathering in Thailand and stay 3 months…to Costa Rica the next year where I worked at a restaurant for $2/hour and hand cut + sewed tiny little strappy bra tops out of stretchy fabric that I sold on the beach with handmade labels calling my line “Luna De Miel” (honey moon) with the tagline “sexy comfy cute”. Each stage got me out there in different ways. I think from that point I got the hang of things, and from these experiences, I felt comfortable meeting new people, exploring connections, and seeing if we’re a match or not. and that’s the thing — plenty of the time we’re not a match! but luckily by the grace of god I don’t take friendship misalignment as hard as I take romantic misalignment (yeah — I’m talking about what we like to call rejection. When the interest in connection is not reciprocated). The Secret To Making Friends: I’ve been in LA for 13 years, and I’ve found that it’s extremely common to meet someone at an event and exchange numbers “to meet for coffee”, and neither person ever reaches out. Years ago I went deep into my text message history and I also found exchanges with people with whom I did exchange messages (mutually very warmly so!) and yet I couldn’t remember who they were at all — we clearly never got together. The secret? Make The Invitation. I have had GREAT success with being willing to invite someone for our first hang. Y’all know I love having people over and I’m comfortable doing so, so I personally often invite over for tea or cacao OR a sauna OR a neighborhood walk, or even a bowl of soup. or if it’s someone who I know is gonna be a great match, let’s stack 2 or 3 together! Being willing to host someone (or at the very least instigate the first hang) has facilitated the birth of SO MANY AMAZING FRIENDSHIPS IN MY LIFE (!!!!!!!!) Many of which are still alive and thriving, some of which fulfilled their purpose in each others lives, and went on their way. (I’d like to write another email about friendships ending and/or changing). So my friends, if you meet someone that seems interesting and you’d like to get to know them, send them a direct invite. Not a “we should hang out sometime” but a real deal “Wanna come over for ___” or “Wanna go for a walk at the _____" — “how’s next week for you, Thursday”? And Yes, Reciprocity. I have actually considered doing a writing series all about Friendship that’s a bit more formal than these wackadoodle newsletters to explore the topic more thoroughly, but yes — being the instigator is one thing, but it’s of course essential that you also feel mutuality and reciprocity in your friendships — I have unconsciously done too much of the lifting in friendships over the past years, and have adjusted how I show up so I’m not engaging in relationships where I’m doing all the reaching out. On the topic of reciprocity, I’ll say - the way we show up often doesn’t look the same (as goes with all symbiotic relationships in nature) but it’s simply essential that there’s mutual fulfillment. Anyway, back to the present moment: Enter: Janice So guys, yesterday I was at a craft fair in Kingston NY, with hearts falling from my eyes over all the gorgeous handmade goods. I was approached by two women in their mid-70s who liked my vibe and we struck up a conversation. Their names? JANICE AND JANET. They asked if I was an artist, I said No but I’d like to change that, but I do love the art of fashion. We chatted for a few minutes, and then out of nowhere, Janice (the more extroverted one of the two), says “Let’s stay in touch, let’s exchange contacts”. Truth is — I’m so here for that! I’m new to the area, and down to connect! So I took her number, and texted her right away.
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