a (long) alternate perspective piece for those who might want oneΝβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ 

thanksgiving 2021

This trail goes for a couple miles and then just kind of…ends. and so every time I hike there, I hang out at the above random rocky perch, letting the disappearance of a clear trail make way for some stillness and presence before the return home.

In a few hours I’ll be taking that same hike to that unassuming yet ceremonious perch, and will perhaps snap a 3 years-older selfie marking the passage of time and progressive smile lines.

I am a holiday rebel.

For the past 14 years, I’ve spent most thanksgiving & christmases alone in varying expressions of solo retreat.

…and it’s my own thing. I support those who love the holidays. I grew up in a home that celebrated them and I loved them too.

Usually when I sit down to write one of these emails, all I’ve dialed is the topic, and then I just write and send….but this email, I’ve been sitting with for days, and there have been a multitude of directions I’ve considered going in….

That in itself is a subtopic I’m interested in - the sometimes magic of creating something on the spot and releasing it, and the sometimes magic of letting something gestate, ripen, deepen and reveal layers and angles that I didn’t know where initially there.

But ANYWAY, BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND PEOPLE, TIS THE SEASON!!!

There are 2 topics I want to explore today through personal narrative:

a.) relationship to societal programming

b.) relationship to ritual + ceremony
 

In my early 20s I was quite nomadic, and was in my early years of forming soul family out in the world. When holidays rolled around, I had experiences of feeling this pressure to make sure that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing on the holiday- having a really nice time with loved ones…but with zero interest in the frenzy of holiday travel or the cold weather of upstate NY, I let go of it being a family oriented thing and found my way to a bevy of friendsgivings….often driven by this pressure to make sure that I wasn’t pathetically alone on these important days. I didn’t always have a good time - it felt prescriptive and at times forced for me.

Then came a day that changed me. Fourteen years ago, I spent my first thanksgiving alone. I was still nomadic, and was dog sitting up in Berkeley. As I was traveling around staying with different friends, it was rare that I had a house to myself, but that day, I DID. THE LUXURY! I went to morning bikram yoga, made french toast, went on an afternoon hike with the dog, watched the sun set, made a gorgeous pot of lentil soup, got super stoned and danced around the house all night.

The thanksgiving machine…red blaring light, notifications flashing, PROTOCOL HAS BEEN ALTERED BEEP BEEP BEEP

That day was revolutionary and liberatory for me personally - I was freeing myself from what I was β€œsupposed” to be doing that day. I believe that this day had a profound rippling effect into many areas of my life.

Here’s my truth: I don’t like being told what to do (well sometimes…), I don’t like stress or frenzy, I don’t feel a connection with the rituals of tgiving or xmas…I already spend a LOT of time in my life sharing beautiful food and space and loved ones, and then there’s this:

My little secret is that I am obsessed with the quiet in the air on the holidays. They are, in fact, the quietest days of the year. It’s almost eerie but in a way that I love. I love spending time outside, reveling in a feeling of spaciousness when the hustle + bustle is quelled for the day. This quiet is the best landscape for sacred solo time. DEEP Day Off energy.

So this has been my narrative for years- and then we add the historical context of thanksgiving, which originally marked the β€˜celebration’ of a huge massacre of Native people. which, once I really tuned into it, has definitely added another layer of complexity to my relationship to this holiday. It’s not a simple thing to unpack, and I honor it’s place in my field of awareness.
 

Okay though- back to the fact that I grew up loving the holidays. My mom looooves them and I love that for her, and I love what she created for us as a family.

So this got me thinking….about ritual and ceremony.

and that, as a kid, the holidays were the closest I had to sacred ritual. They happened annually, they involved adornments and practices and deliciousness and shared togetherness. HECK YES!!!

AND:

Now I have a much deeper relationship to ritual. and so much of my life is about being in connection with myself to discern what I find resonant and what I don’t.

I love creating and partaking in rituals that I fully resonate with. involving foods + practices that make my body feel good.

I treasure intentional ritual space, I treasure loving warmth, laughter, and connection with loved ones. I really enjoy creating these experiences in ways that resonate with all of my cells…and feel right in my whole being.

I’m glad to have this day of quiet and rest, a sacred pause from the hustle bustle, to be in my own ritual of autumnal presence and ceremony of my own design.

If you’ve gotten this far…hello :) I might fear that I’m coming across as anti-holiday, but I repeat: if you love it, I LOVE IT FOR YOU! I think I mainly write this email for anyone who has the mixed feelings, and might appreciate or get value from an alternate perspective.
 

It is now officially time for me to go outside, putter around the property and enjoy the lesser car sounds, the lack of leaf blowers, and a little more room to hear the birds and the breeze.

Much Love,

your mari mu

β™‘

1701 South Figueroa St. #1299
Los Angeles, CA 90015
USA

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